Just Breathe Read online

went to his bedroom door which was still shut.

  “So help me Colton Andrew if you are still sleeping,” I sternly said, turning the knob on his door.

  Inside of the room was a sewing machine on an old card table right in the middle of the room. In the corner was a treadmill with a towel hanging over the handle bar. The room started spinning around as I found it really hard to breathe. I stumbled out of the door trying to get to the telephone we had on a small table in the hallway.

  “911, what is your emergency?”

  “My son….my son is gone,” I tried to get out as I was still gasping for breath. I don’t remember what the operator even said to me. All I can remember was my ears felt like they were clogged, the ceiling fan was moving in slow motion and then blackness.

 

  **********

 

  “Mom? Are you ok?" I could hear Emily’s voice, but it felt impossible to open my eyes they were so heavy.

  “Emily? Honey where are you?” I asked nervously.

  She grabbed my hand and I started to open my eyes.

  “I am right here Mom,” she softly said to me, “Are you ok?” she asked, tracing an infinity sign on my hand.

  “Colton!” I yelled sitting up opening my eyes, remembering what happened.

  “Mom calm down. Everything is fine,” Emily said as the nurse came into the room.

  “Hi Bonnie, I’m Nancy and I will be taking care of you today,” the nurse said as she walked to my monitor.

  “Where is my son?” I asked her still trying to fully sit up.

  “Max is fine Mom, now lay back down ok?” Emily almost demanded.

  “No, not Max! Colton! Where is he?” I yelled. Why wasn’t anyone listening to me?

  The nurse looked at Emily and then left the room.

  “Mom, you're scaring me,” Emily said to me as tears rolled down her cheeks.

  I lay my head back down on the pillow, staring at the ceiling. The nurse came back in and inserted something in to my IV and I fell asleep quickly. When I woke up again, Emily was sleeping in the chair in the corner of the room. As much as I believed my son was missing, I had to act calm in order to get out of there.

  “I am so sorry to scare you honey,” I told Emily as she heard me rustling in the bed.

 

  "I think it was just the stress of the divorce and the recent flu that is going around. I guess I just had a moment where I lost track of things,” I smiled at her and acting as if everything was fine, but I was dying inside.

  “It’s ok mom. I know you have been going through a lot,” she said to me, giving me a hug.

  The nurse came back in the room a few minutes later and I apologized to her, saying I had a dream that I lost my child in a crowd and I must have thought it was real. She said she understood everything I was dealing with and got a clearance from the doctor to go ahead and discharge me. I still had a headache so I played on that to ensure Emily believed me.

  “Daddy!!” Emily yelled out as I was signing my discharge papers with the nurse.

  “Hey M&M!” Bill said giving Emily a hug. Bill is my ex-husband and the kid's dad. We got divorced about five months ago after we had been married fifteen years. Bill moved about an hour away to the city while I stayed in the house with the kids. He filed for divorce and miraculously had a new girlfriend in a week.

  “Hey Bonnie, you feeling ok?” Bill asked me, almost sincere.

  “I am doing ok, thanks for asking,” I responded not even looking at him.

  Jordan and Max came in the room also, hugging me right away.

  “Mom what happened to you?” Max asked me looking up at me very concerned.

  “I wasn’t feeling very well baby, lots of stuff going on for Mommy,” I replied glaring at Bill.

  “Jordan isn’t feeling good either. She puked in dad’s car!” Max said.

  Jordan was sitting in the corner chair with her head rested in her hand.

  “Oh no honey, are you ok?” I asked her, stroking her long brown hair.

  “Yeah, I will be fine. Just really tired,” she replied, barely even opening her eyes.

  “Why don’t I take the kids with me Bonnie so you can go home and rest. I can drop them off at your house tomorrow afternoon ok?” Bill asked while giving Max a noogie.

  I thought about it and realized that would be a perfect option. That way I can investigate and find out some more about Colton’s disappearance without the kids wondering what I was doing.

  “That would be great Bill, thank you. I could really use some rest,” I smiled at him, even looking at his face for once. Bill and the kids started walking down the hallway of the hospital toward the door.

  “You sure you don’t need a ride?” he asked me halfway down.

  “No thanks. Judy is more than happy to come and get me,” I replied, thinking to myself there is no way I am getting in that car he shares with some tennis playing twenty year old.

  “Bill? Do you have everything? I mean, are you forgetting anything?” I asked him, praying he would say, “Oh yes, I forgot Colton!”

  He looked at the kids and then said, “I think we are fine. Get some rest and we will see you tomorrow.”

  I yelled back. “Bill?” They all stopped again.

  “Please get Jordan some Ginger Ale and make her some toast ok?” He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. The kids waved at me and then they all walked out the door.

  I think I only waited at the front doors for less than ten minutes after the kids left when Judy pulled up.

  “Bonnie! Oh my goodness sakes are you ok sweetie?” she asked while jumping out of the car and coming around to open the passenger door for me.

  “Oh gosh Judy, I am fine,” I told her as I climbed in the front seat of her car.

  “What happened? I saw the ambulance come and get you but they wouldn’t tell me anything,” she said as she pulled out of the parking lot.

  “I have just been really stressed lately I guess,” I told her.

  She smiled at me and put her hand on my leg. “Oh honey, yes you have,” she sweetly said.

  “Did the kids go home with Bill?” she asked.

  I had an idea.

  “Yes, they all went home with Bill. Did you see the other kids come home after the ambulance got me?” I asked her, with a motive in mind.

  “Oh yes, I waited with the children until Bill got here to pick them up,” she sweetly replied.

  “And did anybody have homework?”

  “I don’t think so. But I cannot be sure,” she said thinking back.

  “Was Jordan feeling sick at your house also?” I asked.

  “Yes she was!” she replied quickly, almost remembering she forgot that part.

  “I gave her some ginger ale and she lay on the couch to wait for Bill.”

  “And the others?” I asked, nonchalantly looking out the window.

  “The others? You mean Max?” she asked, looking at me quizzically.

  “Oh gosh yes,” I replied, not wanting her to catch on, “I forgot Emily had already come to the hospital,” I laughed it off.

  “Whew, I guess I sure am tired, “ I said to her when she finally pulled in to my driveway.

  “You get some rest sweetie and if you need anything, you know where to find me,” Judy said, leaning over and giving me a hug.

  “Thanks Judy, see you tomorrow,” I waved to her as she pulled away.

  I went inside and went back upstairs to Colton’s room, which was still a sewing and exercise room. I fell down to the floor crying. “What is happening to me?” I thought to myself. I remembered I still had some snacks from the store so I took them all out and ate every last bite. I had an elbow surgery in the summer and still had some pain killers. I took tw
o of those and went to sleep, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

 

  I woke up to the doorbell ringing. I looked at the clock and it was 1:30 pm. I jumped out of bed. I had never slept that late. I ran downstairs to get the door. I opened it and Bill was standing there with Emily and Max.

  “We have been ringing the doorbell and knocking for ten minutes!” Max said, running in to the house behind me.

  “I am so sorry kids, I must have just been really tired,” I said, “or it must have been those pain killers,” I thought to myself.

  Emily kissed Bill goodbye and ran upstairs.

 

  “Where is Jordan?” I asked Bill.

  “Jordan who?”

  “Very funny Bill. Now where is Jordan? Is she still sick?” I asked him, feeling my heart palpitating.

  “I have no idea what you are talking about Bonnie,” Bill said as he walked down to the driveway. “Lay off the drugs would you?” he said rudely as he got in to his car.

  What in the hell is happening?? I started crying and sat down on the porch steps. I could hear the TV inside and had no interest to even go in. Was all of this in my imagination?

  “Hey, Mom? Can we have some macaroni and cheese?” Max asked me through a crack in the door, startling me.